this might sound weird but-- i actually like going to work. so far. i guess i do. i don't wish to go back to sleep when i'm awake, and i don't really look forward to six o'clock each day. i guess being able to use the internet makes a huge difference.

i enjoy the bus rides-- wait, let me specify: i enjoy the bus rides on 151. NOT 143. riding 143 to work will be the death of me, i can't believe i actually put up with the one and a half hour journey for two weeks. i usually fall asleep on the bus, (sometimes ending up in awkward positions like nodding towards the shoulder of the person sitting next to me) but recently i try to draw. Or attempt to think of something to draw. I figured out today that i mostly like to do illustrations and/or draw fantasy, but don't really have imagination to think up something fantastic either. so, i usually resort to drawing what i see--or at least what i think i'm looking at. fan art, copying, still life, portrait.

i always claim that i have no idea of what to draw next, but i think the main problem stopping me from drawing is having no meaning in what i'm going to draw. take the Aoi portrait for example-- so what if it's a good piece of drawing? it doesn't say anything, does it? i don't follow the Gazette, i can't even spell their band name correctly (am i supposed to capitalize the 'Z' or something?), i don't even know who or what Aoi looks like until i casually took a look at engracia's Neo Genesis magazine and went: hey. nice picture. it's mostly black. good. it suits this art technique, i shall use him as an example. is this reason good enough for this art piece to be created? MUST every piece of drawing have to say something? Or, should i say: must i define what each drawing SHOULD say? if Aoi's purpose was to show that i'm into Jrock and Gazette then it's a lie. But if it's to show that i want to explore 'erasing' faces and BAM his nose and eyes just caught my attention and made me want to draw them-- is that good enough a reason for this art piece to exist?

Another art-piece-for-thought: this is my bus journey today. incomplete. cause the duration i took to draw this was the duration of my journey. so, should i complete it? by drawing what i think the bus looked like? or should i leave it the way it is, because this drawing was meant to reflect what MY journey was like? or, why am i even asking this question? if i decide to leave it as it is, WHO is to judge if this is a incomplete art work or not? is it wrong to leave it incomplete?

yeah.