Straits Times Article
April 8 2010
Page C6
stephanie yap
(Facebook)...has become standard operating procedure for friends and families these days to use it to keep in touch.
But "touch" may not be quite the word to describe the violence of some of the exchanges.
Apparently in this day and age, it is preferable to stare at a screen than to look someone in the eye. Still, at least such couples leave no doubt as to whom their virtual vitriol is directed.
They are paragons of open, heart-to-heart communication compared with the truly passive-aggressive keyboard wielders, for whom indirect insulting is a computer game requiring much skill and subterfuge.
If you hate someone's guts, but don't have enough guts of your own to actually say so, the site is a wonderful platform which allows you to deride someone and make sure that person gets the message-- all without ever having to admit outright to your nemesis that you've got a problem with him.
Say I am at a party and an acquaintance...keeps bragging about the expensive Hermes handbag she bought in Paris.
If i were a bolder or more forthright person, I might go up to the person and simply say: "Stop showing off." Or perhaps, not-so-accidentally spill a glass of red wine onto said bag.
Being passive-aggressive however, I would wait until I was in the cab on my way home, then whip out my smartphone and post this status quickly: "Funny how having luxury goods doesn't always mean you have class =)"
I wouldn't mention any names, of course. That would just be aggressive-aggressive.
Dissing someone in public with the intention that they know about it is not anything new. More old-fashioned methods of doing so include making disparaging if oblique comments within earshot, blogging and writing newspaper columns.
However, the advantage of the Facebook treatment is that
1. unlike blogs and newspaper columns, everyone reads Facebook, and
2. Unlike making comments within earshot, you are not within arm's length if that person decides to respond ti your verbal jibe with a physical jab.
But as many passive-aggressive people know, people are by and large too passive to come right out and ask if you are talking about them, even if they pretty much realise you are.
And if they're one of the rare few who actually confront you, you can always deny it: "But you're so classy! Why would you ever think that I'm talking about you? =)"
Admittedly, all this e-backstabbing can seem very immature. But if taken in the right spirit, the pixel pettiness can spur you on towards self-improvement.
If you recognise yourself in one of these passive-aggressive updates and you do feel contrite about your behaviour, well, you can take it as an inspiration to wipe your slate--or Facebook status--clean.
If you don't think you've done anything to be ashamed of, you could just ignore the person. Facebook, as usual, makes this so easy, just click the "hide" button next to his or her status.
(You could even go a step further and "unfriend" the person, though that is probably too aggressive an undertaking for most.)
It would also be a good idea to re-evaluate your "friendship" with anyone who keeps taking bytes at you. After all, if you did behave in an objectionable manner, a true fried would do you the favour of saying it to your face, not your Facebook.
And last but not least, there is always the possibility you could just be paranoid. The person really may not be talking about you. After all, you weren't actually mentioned by name.
Funny how some people think it's always about them =)
yeah, thanks for confirming that i'm one of those paranoid people.
