if you did and you didn't know that my posts were referring to you,

i might forgive you.

if you did and you kept quiet,

... i have nothing to say.

yes, females are such complicated creatures.

we are the main driving force behind bitch fights, gossips, cold wars, surface-niceness. we require high emotional maintenance. we expect a lot from the other party. we base our thoughts and decisions on emotions rather than practicality. we hold grudges. we don't forgive or forget easily. we whine. we cry. we are mostly trouble.

yes, guys are better to hang out with.

they make all troubles seem like nothing. they are straight forward. they don't really hide anything from you. they are practical people. easy to understand, easy to interact with. they are funnier. They crack more jokes. They are usually very easy going people.

so?

go ahead.

go ahead.

am i being unfair?

maybe i am.

am i being a sore loser?

maybe i am.

am i being problematic?

yes i most probably am.

i am pissed, irritated, and upset with you.

i am sorry i cannot tell you this in the face. why would i? no matter how upset i feel i told myself you'd be the last person to know. i will not compromise your happiness and weigh you down. but i need to come to terms with myself, and so i shall type.

You mattered a lot to me. Haven't you wondered why i could understand you without you having to tell me anything some times? I do my best to make my friends happy. I don't care about having materialistic returns. All i want is company, and effort.

It is so hard to converse with you. I feel as if i am the only one keeping conversations going. I am constantly finding some thing random to tell you. Anything that keeps the conversation going, and it makes me feel really stupid. It makes me feel as if i'm talking to myself. That i'm being a bother. That i'm not wanted. Why can't you start a conversation for once? why don't you keep a conversation going while i respond with many dots and one words? if you are busy, if you'd rather be talking to someone else, if you're multi tasking or on the phone and i am being a nuisance, why don't you just tell me?

I sacrificed some things for...a better control over others. I sacrificed a certain amount of friendship. I was afraid of losing.

I wonder if i ever mattered enough to you.

what hurts me the most is to be dropped like a hot potato. i would have been able to take it if the change gradually took place over a few months. but no, everything had to happen within two weeks.

TWO WEEKS.

two weeks ago i was at the peak of the roller coaster ride, and two weeks later i was at the bottom.

steep fall. thrilling.

i couldn't adjust to this change. not at all. how do you expect me to? they knew how i felt. they took the blunt of my mood swings and tempers. things were a little crazy, and i only somehow managed to cling onto my sanity only awhile ago. your world only includes a person. somehow the rest of us became your obstacles. obligation? so exactly which are you referring to? we chose the simplest for you to make things easier for you. we asked you because you're a close friend. if it's about P, i'm sorry we placed high expectations on you. if it's about G take note: you wouldn't have been able to spend that much time with whoever if not for G. If it's about P2 the same argument applies. Obligations. Right. I'm sorry we are such a burden.

Yes, you quit on our convo once. Twice. Threatened a few times. I can remember it clearly. We both approached you about the same issue. Rude? So it's okay to be rude to us but not the others. Okay.

HNY. Didn't even ask us along, did you? I had to guess from pictures on facebook.

Similarly for some other outings. I had to find everything through facebook. Had to scroll down during my free time to chance upon outings that took place. Had to ask others with regards to what happened.

I brought you in. I helped you in. I accompanied you. I gave you the chance. I started this for you. Don't you ever forget this.

You told me to prod you if you ever did what we warned you not to.

If i did,

haha.

I will be so tired.